The Dicktionary

or, Towards a Peligrian Lexicon

guilt— n. 1. A sense of regret caused by the knowledge that because some mythic Primal Adam supposedly ate a forbidden apple, one is born already stained with sin. 2. A feeling of remorse engendered by having had the bad taste to be born with male genitalia, knowing that all men currently living are collectively responsible for all offenses committed by their forefathers against womanhood since time immemorial. 3. The perception of blameworthiness created by the knowledge that all Americans of European ancestry are culpable for the crime of African American slavery and owe every black man, woman and child in the U.S. reparation money – even if their ancestors came to this country after 1900. 4. A notion of personal liability brought on by the recognition that the mere act of being heterosexual fosters pain and suffering for all gays and lesbians, by dint of invalidating their lifestyle choice and reinforcing their marginal status in mainstream society.

ter•ror•ist — n. 1. Anybody I don’t like. 2. Anybody doing something I don’t like.

(a work in progress …)